


Drinks throughout a life

by Fernatticus



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: "there was only one bed" but make it angst, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Autistic Nott | Veth Brenatto, Awkward Caleb Widogast, Body Dysphoria, Child Nott | Veth Brenatto, Crushes, Depression, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Good Parent Nott | Veth Brenatto, Hurt Nott | Veth Brenatto, Kissing, Married Life, Nott | Veth Brenatto Has Issues, Nott | Veth Brenatto Needs a Hug, Nott | Veth Brenatto has PTSD, Nott | Veth Brenatto's Backstory, Nott | Veth Brenatto-centric, Other, Parent Nott | Veth Brenatto, Pre-Stream (Critical Role), Religion, Self-Harm, Shame, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking, good parenting, notts clan, outlawed religions, prisoner Nott
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:08:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26089189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fernatticus/pseuds/Fernatticus
Summary: Nott's life shown in drinks throughout the years
Relationships: Nott | Veth Brenatto & Caleb Widogast, Nott | Veth Brenatto & Travy's Smyth, Nott | Veth Brenatto/Caleb Widogast, Yeza Brenatto & Nott | Veth Brenatto, Yeza Brenatto/Nott | Veth Brenatto
Kudos: 27





	1. The Wildmother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veth engages in prayer for the Wildmother

“Dad?” Veth asked, peering over the back of the couch at the homemade altar where her father sat on the floor. He had constructed it in worship to the Wildemother and she and her brothers had been told that they could get in trouble if the Crownsguard found out. “What are you doing?”

“I’m praying. Would you like to join?” Her father responded, turning to face his daughter who sat down next to him cross legged and facing the decadent altar, which was adorned with various plant life and nature iconography. 

“I don’t know how,” She responded, honestly. In response, he smiled warmly and rested a hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you,” Travy’s consoled, Veth smiling with determination in response.

Over the next 20 minutes or so, he walked her through basic prayer and the general philosophies the Wildemother inhabited. At the end, he removed the glass cask of Olesyal Wine from where it sat nestled in the flowers of the altar.

“And to show our appreciation to the Widemother, we drink,” He explained, pouring less than an inch in a small cup and handing it to her, before pouring a cup for himself. “Only a little for you because you’re young.”

Veth looked down at the drink somewhat sceptically, but drank it simultaneously with her father, trying to mirror how he did it. She lowered the cup and Travy’s laughed as she made a face. The drink tasted somewhat sweet, but generally acrid and unpleasant

“No good, huh?” Travy’s joked, taking the cup back and returning it to where it had been set, closing the door to the altar entirely. “That’s okay. You shouldn’t be drinking it anyway.”

“It tastes like juice that went bad,” She explained, her nose scrunched. 

“That’s a good description,” Her father said, ruffling her hair fondly. “Carry that description into adulthood, okay?”

“Okay,” She responded, confused.


	2. In the Hay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veth and Yeza are mischievous teens

“Where did you even get that?” Yeza asked, braiding flowers into her hair. “Did you steal it?”

Veth frowned, saying, “You know that’s just a rumor Lyam made up, right? I don’t actually steal.”

“Yeah, I know, but where else could you have gotten that?” He asked once more. Veth raised the bottle of wine, the light of the stars peeking through the cracks of the barn roof reflecting through the green bottle. 

She shifted in the hay slightly, giving Yeza a better angle to braid her hair with her head in his lap, saying, “Lyam has a super shady friend who kinda hates me, but doesn’t hate Lyam, so I got a ‘friends and family’ discount.”

“Oh,” Yeza responded, his voice maintaining the slight slur it had developed a few minutes ago. “I don’t think you got a very good discount. This tastes really bad.”

“Okay, you bring the booze next time,” She responded indignantly, scrunching her nose up at him, eliciting a laugh from the halfling, who instantly quietened, knowing if anyone discovered their little escapades they would be in infinite trouble. Felderwin was the sort of town with curfew laws for minors, and Yeza and Veth still being in their teens meant the Crownsguard had every right to drag them home for sneaking out at night. 

“I could try making some,” Yeza suggested. Veth laughed silently, her chest shaking.

“I think there’s a difference between fermentation and alchemy, babe,” She pointed out incredulously, but fondly.

“Oh,” Yeza said once more, the information slowly dawning on him through his muddled state. He was such a lightweight.

Veth giggled at his demeanor, although her own perception was equally as skewed, and sat up to face him. She maintained an intense eye contact with the nervous and confused halfling boy, before breaking with a laugh and looping her arms around his neck, kissing him sweetly.

Eventually, the two of them collapsed on the hay, Veth cuddled against his chest, a smile on her near unconscious face.

In the morning the farm hand would discover the two of them and kick them out, but for now, everything was okay.


	3. Motherhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veth has a nightcap with her husband

Veth almost collapsed over the crib, her eyes closed. She had finally, _finally_ , gotten Luc to fall asleep, Veth thanking every god in her repertoire when he stayed asleep when she set him down. 

With a yawn, Veth stood, wobbling a bit on her feet before righting herself and quietly leaving the room, taking care to close the door gently. 

“Veth?” A familiar, warm voice called out from the kitchen. Being startled into awareness, before drowsiness muddled her awareness once more, Veth headed to where her husband was sitting at the table.

“Shh,” Veth nearly pleaded. “I just got him down.”

Yeza adjusted his glasses, looking up from the scattering of paperwork strewn across the table. Veth noticed that on the corner of the table, an expensive looking bottle of wine had seemingly just been opened, and Yeza had a small cup next to his workspace filled halfway. Taking a closer look, she read the label to see ‘Lionett Wine.’ Veth wasn’t particularly acquainted with the Kahmordan wine industry, but she recognized this as especially rich wine. ‘Full bodied,’ as the bourgeoisie would say.

“Edith dropped off a care package,” He explained, noticing her scepticism on how he attained a bottle of wine that expensive. “She’s a godsend. Would you like some?”

“God, yes. Please,” She sighed, plunking down in the chair next to her husband who poured her a glass. He handed her a glass filled to about three quarters. Veth took a sip and then filled the cup to the brim, reclining into her chair. Her ever patient husband shot her a smile of understanding and fondness as she drank from the cup, the make of which was so poor quality she almost felt guilty using it to hold such finely made wine. 

The two of them sat in a comfortable silence, Yeza not returning to his work and just being in the moment with his wife. Now that Veth had a moment to focus in on the taste of the drink, she decided that, while it tasted really good, it certainly wasn’t worth how much it was priced as at The Goldfield Tavern and Lodge. 

She was used to having a nightcap before bed, but that was before getting pregnant. Although she had missed being able to drink as she had before, she didn’t drink frequently or heavily enough for that loss to mean anything to her in comparison to the absolute gift that was Luc. She would give up all of her vices and earthly possessions for that boy, no questions asked. 

“Honey?” Yeza’s soft voice startled her out of her sentimental thoughts, her eyes opening to meet his, although she didn’t remember closing them. “Why don’t you go to bed? I’ll take Luc duty.”

Struggling to stay conscious, she responded, “You still have paperwork.”

Yeza cocked his head to the side and shrugged, a dismissive look on his face. “I’ll do it in the morning. You look like you’re about to fall asleep at the table. Head up to bed, I’ll join you in a bit.”

Veth, as argumentative as she could be, could find no reason to protest when the thought of a warm bed seemed more tempting than all the riches in the world. Stifling a yawn, she relented.

“If you insist.”


	4. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nott steals a drink while held in captivity  
> TW for self harm, suicidal thoughts and violence!!

It was so cold. So, so cold. Nott couldn’t remember a time when Felderwin was ever this cold.

As cruel as they were, for the most part the goblins left her to rot. As long as she didn’t ignore her duties, they let her curl into a corner and cry quietly.

This was hell. Nott was in hell. She was never going to see her family again and she was dead and a monster and this was hell and why was hell so _cold_? 

Behind her back, she could hear the chatter she had recently become acquainted with while she tried and failed to sleep. The monsters talked amongst one another in their horrible, hissing, guttural language, no semblance of cohesion driving who spoke when. They were also quite loud. Goblins had a reputation in the empire of being sneaky creatures who used the element of surprise to overwhelm poorer towns with unsuspecting militias, so this fact was a little strange to her.

Maybe the crownsguard and patrols actually did know where the goblins were located, and just didn’t fight them. Maybe they knew that her family had been kidnapped and simply didn’t act. Maybe they were cowards like her. 

Nott sat up from her self made bundle, wiping the tears and snot from her face, in the process accidentally cutting her palm with a jutting razor tooth. 

The woman looked down at the wound sprouting crimson rivulates from the disgusting green hand that, while being connected to her, wasn’t hers. Without thinking, she raised her hand to her mouth and pressed the palm to her teeth once more. 

Easily, like butter, the sharp of the tooth broke skin and sunk into the meat of her hand. It stung like hell, but the tears had stopped. She wasn’t sure if this was progress, but it was a change, and really, how worse could things get?

She pulled her hand away, giving it the opportunity to gush blood as she simply looked on with apathy. Yes. Yes, she could destroy this horrible body. She could cut away the green and find brown. She could rip away the flesh that constricted and suffocated her. She could end the pain.

To her dismay, the tears started once more. Well, it had been a good thought while it lasted, but leaving marks didn’t seem to be a sustainable way to drown (for lack of a better word) out the cacophonous pain. The salty tears that fell from her cheeks mixed with the hot blood dripping down her wrist. With little care, she pressed her other hand to cover the spot where the blood was still leaking.

Holding skin to skin, in both an attempt to stop the bleeding and to emulate any sort of comfort for herself, Nott looked out amongst the goblins huddled around the fire. They spoke and yelled and hit around a fire, although something seemed different tonight. In their own monstrous way, they seemed jovial. While their smiles resembled grimaces more than anything else, they were present. 

For a moment, she wondered if perhaps she had missed news of a raid, but after a moment, she noticed the various bottles of booze being passed around the fire. Drink was rare in the clan and typically reserved for the leaders or for whoever managed to hide what they stole from merchants. Not entirely sure where they could have possibly gotten a haul of drink this large, she looked for a label on the bottles, only to find none. 

In her time with the goblins, she had distinctly never seen a goblin share with one another, let alone someone of another race, but in their intoxicated state they seemed happy to revel in their shared companionship with their tribe mates.

Sleep didn’t work. Bleeding didn’t work. What was the worst that could happen if she got caught stealing a bottle. They would beat her, but so what? They would just beat her anyway for messing up when she was too tired to work the next day. In this situation, she was at an advantage. For once she was completely ignored. For once she was invisible

Nott the Brave stood, releasing her clasped hands and melting into the shadows, avoiding the areas lit by the fire. She knew the consequences of breaking rules, oh Melora she had that lesson beat into her enough for it to never leave her mind, but if a beating was all she got for the distraction caused by her escapade, so be it.

Carefully navigating the main camp, her attention so focused on not being seen that she almost forgot why she needed to do this. While she still was unused to how lithe this body was, she used the nature of its form to her advantage, stealthing behind a cluster of especially drunk goblins who had segregated a ways away from the fire.

With a genuinely impressive amount of precision, she honed in on a half empty bottle of booze hanging limply from the grip of a passed out goblin. Quickly and deftly, she swiped the bottle from his grip, tucking it under her rags. 

Her heart stopped, realizing what she had just done and what would inevitably happen. Staying still for a moment, she fully expected someone to hit her or yell and then hit her, but the blow never came. In fact, nobody even spoke up, the majority of the camp's attention focused on one another.

She was left with a decision; return the bottle or keep it and face the consequences. The smart decision would of course be returning it, but she had come this far and a drink had never sounded so good. 

Nott could allow herself this small pleasure. She would probably be killed or at least kill herself in a few days, so this was probably the last time she’d get the opportunity.

Just this small, insignificant pleasure.

Hiding away from others, she drank all of it. Because of how strong the (she guessed) liquor was, she fully expected to have some sort of overdose, although if she did get alcohol poisoning, the sensation went unremarked upon in her hazy psyche.

She passed out quite soon after, the most prevalent sensation being the acidic burning in her throat, the drink having warmed her body somewhat from its numbing cold to simply numb. 

In the morning, the goblins found her with an empty bottle of booze and she awoke to a kick to the stomach, followed by enough kicks that she passed out once more, although, even in her futile moments of consciousness, she didn’t regret anything.


	5. Caleb Widogast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nott has an uncomfortable conversation with her new partner and has to make a choice

Nott did not trust Caleb Widogast. 

Of course she didn’t trust Caleb Widogast. He was an insane man who smelled and was much too attached to his fake cat for Nott’s liking. He was somehow more paranoid than she was and woke her from her sleep with his nightmares. Sure, he was handsome, but that didn’t really mean anything anymore. 

He didn’t trust her either. He slept with his possessions tucked to his chest, both him and his stuff within his arcane alarm system, Nott being left to her own devices. She wasn’t offended by this. She was a goblin. In all honesty, she was honestly more surprised he didn’t actively want her dead.

The two of them maintained a symbiotic relationship, the two of them working together to survive until the next day, but neither fully relying on or trusting either. Even if he was a shady asshole, so was she. They were shady assholes together. He helped her steal booze and trinkets and she helped him steal books; the bare necessities to make life bearable.

The two of them had only been traveling together for around a month when the duo reached Talonstadt, a town way too close to Felderwin for Nott’s liking, and Caleb suggested they get a room at an inn. They had saved up a bit of coin, and Nott got the impression Caleb was just as tired of sleeping huddled together on the side of roads as she was. Neither of them acted dignified by any measure, but the idea of a roof over their heads, even only for a night, sounded wonderful. 

Peering out from behind his legs, taking on the visage of a small halfling child clutching to her father’s legs for support, Nott watched as Caleb haggled a few silver off their room price. She was continuously taken aback by how easily manipulative and conniving he could be.

Taking the room key, Caleb led Nott upstairs, shifting his body to obfuscate any view of her to the patrons of the bar. She followed, looking around at the tavern, which reminded her an upsetting amount of Felderwin’s architecture. 

She allowed Caleb to take lead in a place that was much more forgiving to him than it was to her, her mind reeling. They were only a few days travel from Felderwin. They were only a few days from Yeza and Luc. 

She hadn’t noticed pulling out the flask, but the moment Caleb shut the door behind them it was to her lips. Taking a somewhat desperate sip, she tilted the flask up, only receiving a few sips before the flask was dry. 

“Are you out of drink?” Caleb asked in that way that reminded her that he thought she was a child. Nott stopped herself from rolling her eyes, annoyed that he would ask when he already knew the answer to that question.

“Just about,” She responded. He looked on in total apathy, although she wasn’t sure why she had hoped for even the slightest bit of sympathy when it was such an inane problem.

Caleb let out a considerate hum before moving on and turning his full attention to the room. It was of poor quality, the floorboards uneven and the old wallpaper scraping off in a show of how long it had festered on the brick walls. However, that wasn’t her largest concern at the moment.

“There’s only one bed?” Nott asked, confused and already a bit annoyed. Caleb raised his eyebrows, snapping Frumpkin into his arms.

“Ja,” He responded plainly, allowing Frumpkin to fall to the floor and pad around the unfamiliar location. 

Nott didn’t groan, but crossed her arms. She had been looking forward to sleeping on a proper bed, however, Caleb had been the one to pay for the room so it was only fair.

“Fine. Can I at least get a blanket or something?” She sighed, relenting. Caleb actually blinked at her, confused. She simply raised her eyebrows, looking for a response.

“I’m sorry?” He asked. Nott sighed and tried again.

“Can I get a blanket so I don’t have to sleep on the floorboards? Or do you really need both?” She repeated, getting gradually more and more annoyed by the dumb look her wore.

“I-uhm… I thought we would be sleeping in… the bed…” Caleb explained, blushing a bit. “I-I did not think you would… mind...”

Well now Nott felt like an idiot. Of course he thought they would just be sleeping in the bed together, why wouldn’t he? They had slept together for the past weeks, so it only made sense they would sleep on the bed together.

“Oh,” She responded, her now being the one to look baffled. Caleb blushed further, trying to continue. They had never explicitly discussed the fact that they slept cuddled together. It was just something they did for warmth ~~and comfort.~~

“I- we did not have enough silver for two beds, however I could go speak with-” 

“No, it’s fine,” Nott cut him off with a dismissive wave, cutting off his rambling. 

“Oh,” He responded. “So you’ll..?”

“Yeah, it-it’s fine,” She said after he traied off. She wanted to scream. This entire conversation was so weird. “I’m just gonna go get a refill on my flask before I turn in.”

“Oh, okay. Ja, don’t be too-” Caleb’s words were cut off as she slammed the door behind her, leaving the emerald flushed goblin leaning against the door, eyes wide and blinking.

Caleb and her had been travelling together for so long, and despite seeing each other drunk, bloody and naked they had never had a conversation that awkward. Ruminating as she sat at the end of the bar, she felt a bit guilty. 

To him, this weird girl he had been sleeping huddled next to for weeks had just out of nowhere decided she was above that. But that wasn’t the case. Nott, despite not being Veth, was still a married woman, and as a married woman it was improper for her to sleep next to a handsome man. Up to this point, she had just been excusing it as something needed for survival, which in a way it was, but her need for physical comfort was thrown into harsh reality when a bed was brought into the mix. 

If she slept in the same bed as him, she would have to admit to herself that she needed comfort from another person, and if she was sober enough, she would have to admit to herself that she had a crush on him.

Assuming she got back after he fell asleep, she would have to choose whether or not to sleep next to him, and either she did and had to deal with icky feelings or she didn’t and made him question their arrangement. 

Instead, she chose not to choose, downing 3 shots of whiskey before promptly ordering another round. Keeping her head low, she poured the shots into her flask before it was full, then drinking the rest of the seemingly infinite whiskey being poured to her by an exhausted dragonborn bartender.

Through her muddled state, the intense feelings of grief that had hit her the moment she started thinking about Yeza became quieter and quieter, until all she could focus on was the off tune song a young dwarven bard was playing for the patrons.

The lyrics of the song hardly processed, however from the few words she picked out, she gathered it was a raunchy, comedic song. She found herself laughing along with the patrons, her cheek pressed to the bars surface, before her vision went blurry and she closed her eyes, the clapping and singing of the bar lulling her into a peaceful sleep.

Through the darkness and dreams of a large sea of stars, she vaguely felt her body being lifted from where she rested. Without meaning to, a sad whine was elicited from her lips, her having been comfortable minutes before. However, despite the jostling of her resting form, she kept her eyes shut, just allowing herself to be moved. 

Her whole body was heavy, the drink acting as a heavy warm blanket. When an actual blanket was draped over her body, she hardly noticed, and she didn’t remember having been set down.  
She almost formed a coherent thought, thinking if she had just been arrested these guards must be very nice, but the thought was incoherent and hardly realized as a concept, just the way she liked her thoughts to be.

Nott couldn’t remember why her night had been so bad, but this was better.

**Author's Note:**

> this will get significantly more angsty as time goes on, so be warned


End file.
